Sweat dripped off my face as I hurried to pack my family of five for a weekend getaway to celebrate my father’s 70th birthday.
With treacherous driving conditions predicted in Western Massachusetts, my stress level was more elevated than usual.
I scurried around the house straightening, folding and packing as my three kids ran around the house like entrapped monkeys, impatiently waiting to get on the road so they could play with their cousins.
Seven tasks left to accomplish and only two furry creatures (our two labs) left to pack. I ran to the garage to grab the dog food. In an overly dramatic attempt to prove that I was the only one who did anything around the house, I yanked the 50 lb container off the top of the fridge and instantly felt a sharp pain in my chest.
At the time, I had no idea what it was and continued through the weekend thinking I punctured a lung. And that’s when everything changed.
Not until I consulted with my primary care, chiropractor, osteopath, and gynecologist did I realize that my injury was muscular related and a consequence of doing too much, too quickly and too intensely. I knew about the concepts of stress and burnout. In fact, I talked about how stressed I was on the daily. What I didn’t realize was that maintaining that energetic space was doing to me.
Moreover, I realized I had been identifying with those feelings as a badge of armor.
I needed to slow down and dive into the cause of my stress and burnout. Through my journey towards self-discovery and sanity, I considered some tough, yet powerful questions.
How much of this had to do with my thought patterns? Once I stopped to think about it, I realized that being a victim had become part of my identity. Thoughts like, “I’m so busy” and “I can’t do everything” kept my mind very occupied. I believed I didn’t have time to do it all and yet I was expecting time to come knocking on my door. I was doing nothing to create more of it for myself.
Tip: Begin to notice your thoughts. Grab a bowl of popcorn, take a back seat and begin to watch your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself? What are you thinking about that might be contributing to your cycle of burnout and stress.
Am I clear on my purpose? It was at this time that I begin questioning what I wanted to do with my life. My children were getting older and more sufficient and I was struggling to separate Carly the caregiver from Carly the woman curious about what she wanted to do next. It was frustrating to want to explore other parts of my life and yet be too busy (and feel slightly too guilty) to do anything about it.
Tip: There are small, simple ways in which you can start to nail down your reason for being. Consider where you are when you get a jolt of clarity. A short walk outdoors? A peaceful shower? Five minutes journaling? Try and get to that space as often as possible and notice what occurs when you start connecting with your inner wisdom. Two minutes of clarity can provide more truth than years of obscurity. Vision boards are also great ways to get out of your head and into your deepest desires.
Am I operating from a state of reaction? It’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of reacting to everyone else’s demands. I used to think, “If I can just get this done, then I’ll be on top of things”. One task turned into another and before I knew it, days, months and years had passed and I was still operating under everyone else’s wants and needs. I had to learn the power of saying “No” so that I could create time to focus on my own priorities.
Tip: Start your day off in the driver’s seat. It can be as easy as setting an intention for your day or sitting with a cup of coffee for 10 minutes each morning before the craziness begins. Create a plan for what you want to accomplish and stay focused on making your wants and needs a priority. Your dreams matter.
Am I trying to control everything? In order to stay safe in my feelings of overwhelm, I believed I had to do it all. Asking my kids to help me do the dishes? They wouldn’t do it right. Taking my husband up on his offer to grocery shop? Nope, I needed to make sure we got the right brand of toothpaste. Hiring an assistant to help me with social media? I was better off doing it myself. I finally realized that people felt good about helping and I was denying them the privilege. I opened up to receiving the support I needed in my life and business.
Tip: It’s time to start delegating. Ask yourself what one thing you can hand off to someone else so that your life becomes slightly easier. And then notice how you feel.
Is there a part of me that is thriving in this cycle of burnout? My biggest realization came from noticing that part of me felt safe in my story of overwhelm. Not being burned out meant that I was relaxed, rested, and at ease. As lovely as that sounded, my subconscious was attached to the struggle. It had been for many, many years. If I really wasn’t burned out, I’d feel vulnerable and scary. What would I do? Who would I be? I wouldn’t be able to use being busy as an excuse to show up ready to look fear in the eyes.
Tip: Pay attention to how fear shows up for you. Procrastination? Perfectionism? Overwhelm? Doubt? Notice it and make a conscious choice to move forward despite the primitive part of your brain trying to hold you back.
Do I still have times of burnout? Absolutely. But I’m now equipped with the tools to not only help me decompress, but to dive into what’s really going on behind it all.
